AMRAN for ARMANDE
by armande alexandra — april 9, 2020
Innovation and artistic voice are primary components contributing to the success of a noteworthy designer. However, we seldom focus on the voices of those who bring these pieces to life by simply wearing them. These voices carry further than twenty-four-piece collections that were worked on for months and sat on for years. They speak to who these people are, how they feel, and what they represent.
Amran is a twenty-two-year-old young woman from Maryland who approached me at a company holiday party in December. Realizing that my best friend Jessica and I marveled at her bold sensuality and confidence as she walked for Pyer Moss in the Fall, it was serendipitous for her to find her way to me with such kind words.
Her adventures in New York while pursuing her modeling career can inspire us all to hike the hills (in knee-high stilettos), never accept “no,” and always prioritize staying true to ourselves. Though she wears a hijab, she wishes to be introduced as herself first, followed by the adornment of “hijabi model.”
I made time on the beautiful Sunday before quarantine (March 15, 2020) to have brunch with Amran and Jessica, who hadn't previously met. We indulged in a traditional carb-heavy breakfast in Bed-Stuy, followed by an iPhone photoshoot (captured by yours truly), and an impromptu movie night featuring 'Snow On Da Bluff'. We spoke about everything under the sun from 'Goodfellows' to the difference between NYC and DMV's definition of the word “aggy,” but the highlight of this day was her invaluable perspective on the model-to-designer relationship and her experience as a hijabi who models.
ARMANDE: What role does your hijab play in your beauty and self-image?
AMRAN: I freaking love wearing a hijab. It is my favorite thing on the planet about me. It’s pretty, it's graceful, it... flows. It makes me feel like – I don't wanna say “seen,” because the whole point of it is to be modest – you get to know me for me, without getting to know me from my beauty.
It's like a good oxymoron – I'm a hijabi, but I model. Some people really don't like it. They're like, “That's not the point of hijab. Hijab is the act of being modest all around. Not just your hair, but your whole body, and the way you act,” which is true. It's literally the definition of hijab. But I don't think that I'm going against it by being the way that I am right now. I don't think I'm going against it by modeling because I'm still covered, I'm just... taking graceful pictures, and living a graceful, lovely life.
ARMANDE: And your personality radiates. So it's like, she doesn't have to be naked or over the top. You just – you see it.
AMRAN: And I'm not sexualizing myself, which people think, when you model, you are sexualized, which is most of the cases. But there are a lot of people who do it and want to be highlighted as elegant, and not sexy, do you know what I mean? And I like that, but I don't wanna be just elegant. I also wanna be me.
ARMANDE: What do you wanna be highlighted as? If anything.
AMRAN: If anything? I just want my personality to show through the pictures, so I'm not entirely elegant. You can tell in the pictures, she's a little different. But I don't like the word “different.” I feel like everyone is different.
ARMANDE: What do you feel your role is as a model? Is it literally just the blank canvas situation, or do you feel like you show up as yourself and you're represented as yourself, although you're representing someone else at the same time?
AMRAN: I've been fortunate enough to work with a lot of designers that want my input, because one, they actually don't know how to style me because I wear a hijab. Or they're like, “We like you, we like your personality, and we like that you wear a hijab, but we wanna know how you would style yourself so we know how to approach this.” Which is fine, because I got style, I like the way I dress, and it makes it better for all of us.
JESSICA: You're more confident, too.
AMRAN: Exactly. I'm more confident in what I'm wearing and they're more confident in what they put me in because they know I'll work it better, and they wanna see what I do so they know if they wanna work with me later, what to bring, and if they work with other hijabis, how to communicate what we want out of this relationship that we're in.
Like for Pyer Moss, he (Kerby Jean-Raymond) was like, “Do you wanna wear these shoes, or do you wanna wear these shoes?”
I feel like when designers don't talk to you, it pretty much affects the look. Because in their head, they're like, “Why isn't it working?”
It's not my job to give you the input, but there should be some communication.
ARMANDE: How is the representation – because I see it sometimes now, but not as much – of the females in hijabs? How do you feel about that representation, and your place in that?
AMRAN: I love it! I'm like, “Kudos to you, that's amazing!”
JESSICA: I think it's like a thing now. Like, diversity's such a big deal, that it's becoming more, you know... It's in Nike now. People are being a little more inclusive.
How do you feel about the fact that it's what's in style right now?
AMRAN: I like it. I personally love it. One, because now we have more options to go into sportswear. Before, it was like, if you wore leggings and a bra, and you had some definition of muscle, then you could be in sportswear. Now, if you have a hijab, you can be in Nike.
I wasn't gonna wear a long, flowing scarf in a jogging outfit. It wasn't really a thing, and now it's a possibility. A lot of the models who did it with Nike were like, “They were lovely, everyone was nice, it was amazing, and it was great working with them,” so that's important, too.
Eventually, I'll get my name, “Amran, the model...” You know what I mean? ...Who wears a hijab. But right now I just know,
“Get the hijabi girl.”
JESSICA: Like y'all are in one pool together.
AMRAN: When I was searching for agencies, they were like, “Hey. Sorry, we can't take you. We just saw a girl who looks exactly like you like two days ago.” I look at her, and she's just a black girl in a hijab. She looks nothing like me, we're not the same skin tone, nothing.
And I’m thinking, “You have like seven girls with blonde hair. You can see the distinction between one and two, I'm sure you can see the distinction between us.”
JESSICA: People don't wanna put too much emphasis on it, but just enough to say, “Oh, I'm inclusive.”
AMRAN: I want there to be more hijabi models, but I'm just nervous that there's gonna be this stigma of, “You're exactly like...” In modeling, you want your signature look, “That is Naomi, that is Cindy Crawford, that is Halima.”
I'm personally happy where my career is going, and if this doesn't work out — I know this is gonna work out, but God forbid — I'll fall back on my personality, I'll fall back on my brains, I can fall back on so many other things.
JESSICA: So if you didn't model, what would you do?
AMRAN: Um, I went to school for Computer Science –
JESSICA: Oh okay.
AMRAN: I want to do jewelry design. Like, I love gold jewelry.
JESSICA: I can tell! I've never been into silver jewelry for some reason.
AMRAN: It doesn't work for me.
JESSICA: I feel like, black people, it really complements our skin.
You should really get into that!
AMRAN: I already send the designs I want to a jeweler, and I'm like, “Why don't I do this by myself?!”
JESSICA: (During a previous conversation) You brought up non-hijabi women photographing in hijabs. What happens when they photograph with their legs and midriff out, wearing a hijab?
AMRAN: It's sexualized.
JESSICA: So then, it becomes, “Why do we need you when we can get the best of both worlds?”
ARMANDE: In fashion, we pull inspiration from everywhere, but when you put hijabs on people who are not hijabi…
JESSICA: Yeah, they put durags on white boys.
AMRAN: One designer did cornrows on white boys, and I high-key felt bad for those models. Imagine your debut walk, and you end up in all these articles. Like, “Yeah, I did [designer], but I don't wanna put it in my portfolio.”
ARMANDE: I just want designers to say, “Yes, this is my show, or this is my shoot, but we're in this together. It's for everybody.” So though other people may not have creative control, the person who's in front of the camera can still be comfortable. I would want them to say “I don't really like this.”
It's tough, because... what if you – like... the s*** looks fire?
JESSICA: The thing is, you can't really talk. A lot of models can't say anything, because they’ll be like, “Okay, well now, you're hard to deal with, so I'ma just pick somebody else who isn't hard to deal with.”
AMRAN: That's one of the biggest issues. If I was like, “I'm not comfortable wearing this,” I would have to say, “I'm not comfortable wearing this culturally.”
I just feel like it's this unknown territory. I've seen so many red carpet and runway looks where they're fully covered, but the second somebody says “hijab,” it’s like, “We don't know what to do, freeze!”
ARMANDE: Because they created the look. The fact that you're coming with a look, it's like, “Well, now we gotta work around this.”
I've only shot a few people in these garments, but the fact that I hadn’t captured anyone in a hijab was an interesting task. I didn’t think, “My pieces are supposed to show the neckline, so how will it work if her neck is covered?” This is who she is.
JESSICA: Your whole line, you wanted to portray a sensual woman, so how do you portray that on someone that's supposed to be –
ARMANDE: On her. Exactly. If you have the right person, they'll bring it. It doesn’t have to be viewed in a traditional sense.
I wanted to capture whimsy in black women. We are expected to be put together all the time, and I feel that white women are allowed to be kinda like –
AMRAN: Quirky.
ARMANDE: Yeah. They can be quirky, their hair can be all over, they can dress as they please.
What does that look like for black models?
AMRAN: When you're first starting out, you're like, “I model now, I'm a model.” I used to avoid saying that I was a model if I didn't look good that day, and I would be like, “I have to dress to the nines so that people can believe that I'm a model.” I owe it to myself to be comfortable when I’m alone or in my own environment. I don't have to be my job 24-7.
You can tell the differences in how people are approaching castings. Black girls know what works for them to get the jobs, and white girls can come as they want, and as they are. No disrespect to them, they just know what they can and can't do.
As of right now, I have to come as a blank canvas that they can add to. The second I come in like –
JESSICA: Too done.
AMRAN: Too overdone, they're gonna say, “That's already too much going on over there. We don’t know how to style that.”
ARMANDE: That’s so crazy. Personality doesn’t matter until it does. If you came in overdone, it's a problem. But then, it's like –
AMRAN: If you don't, they're like, “You're just the manufactured...”
Also, if you don't have notoriety, it's incredibly difficult to do things. How do you get people to know you? I don't always know how to navigate this. It's just weird.
JESSICA: It's so new, too.
AMRAN: So new. People know what it is, people are interested in it, but from a distance. People wanna work with it, but from a distance.
ARMANDE: Tell us your story.
AMRAN: New York Fashion Week was happening. I saw this casting for Pyer Moss and I was like, “Whatever, I'ma get it. Don't worry about it, let’s do it.”
On the bus, I send my application so I could get the slip to go in. I'm like, “If they send it or not, I'ma find it anyway. I'm fully packed and ready and s***, I'm good, whatever. If it works out, it works out.”
So I go to Flatbush where I know the show is gonna be. In my head I'm like, “The show is gonna be in Flatbush. Obviously, it makes sense for this to be where they do the castings.”
...That don’t make no sense. Looking back on it now, that made no f****** sense (laugh). That being said, we'll figure it out.
I'm over there like, “This is the place, I don't see it.” I started texting random models that I know, “Yo, what you doing? Do you know where the casting is?” and they're not responding.
I finally hit one of my friends like, “Yo, what you up to? I'm in New York.”
She says, “I'm at the Pyer Moss casting.”
I was like... “Hey b****!” (laugh) “So guess what? I don't have the address, it must've gotten lost in my email. Send that s*** to me real quick!”
She's like, “Oh, that's so weird. Okay!” And then she sends me all the information. Like… that does not happen!
I was like, “Do I need I.D.?”
She said, “It's whatever, there's hella people here. They said that I shouldn't have had a sassy walk, and made me walk again.”
I was like, “...I don't have a sassy walk, I got this! Note, note, note, got it!”
Four o'clock is when the casting ends. It was like three-twenty, or something. I am in Flatbush. This is all the way uptown...
JESSICA: In the city?
AMRAN: In the city. And I'm like, “Okay, how long will it take me to get there? It's thirty dollars and it'll take me forty minutes.” I would have two minutes to spare to get to this casting.
So I literally call my mom, like “Woman! Answer this phone! Mom, please, listen, don't ask no questions, just send me thirty dollars right now.” (laughs)
So she sends thirty dollars, I ordered the s*** and I call her back and I was like, “Okay guess what?” I was like, “I'm gon get there.”
She was like, “What are you talking about?”
I said, “You know how I almost gave up? I told God that if He did this for me, I would be lit. And guess what happened? I figured it out! I ordered the Lyft right now to go to the city.”
She was like, “Okay! Put your lipgloss on, put them heels on, and you got this!”
JESSICA: (laughs) Of course! Mamas love lipgloss. Lipgloss and earrings.
AMRAN: (laughs) I finally get into the building. They go, “Oh, you're one of the models? Alright, go stand over there, you guys are the last group.”
I was like… they didn't even question me!
Did I tell you, I'm in thigh high stilettos – black – this sheer skirt, tights underneath, my black hijab, and this big ass backpack… I'm over here lunging this s***. I'm hiking in stilettos. It didn't make no sense. This probably made absolutely no sense to nobody else. Everyone else is coming with a book and a tiny little pen and paper, and I’m like, “That's cute.”
They pick me out of the line, and go, “Can we take a little cameo of you?” I'm walking away like, “Did you see that I was late... and they picked me?!” I felt good.
So I walked for them. They're like, “Take off your shoes so we can take pictures of your height.”
...How I’ma do that if my shoes are so f****** uncomfortable to take on and off?” So I'm sitting on the ground going, “Do they do this to every f****** body?” (laugh)
JESSICA: Girl, what if you had holes in your socks? (laughs) I always think about that, like I hope my socks look nice!
AMRAN: (laughs) They were tights! So they help me take off my shoes to take pictures of my height, and I had to put them back on to do the walk. This is multiple times of me on the floor putting shoes on and taking them off. I look a f****** fool! Now that I'm a model and I know what not to do in castings, what the f*** was I doing?
I do my walk, they're like, “Great… How tall are you?”
“Five nine.”
I'm actually five eight-and-a-half, but only recently... I'm five nine!
ARMANDE: Oh, you grew it!
AMRAN: I grew. I think I just f***** up my posture or something, but I actually am five nine. My posture is better, I'm taller, it's great!
JESSICA: Look, I need to learn about that! (laugh)
AMRAN: It’s your posture! Act like you got a big string that pulls you up. It helped my posture, and it helped my height – I’m five nine!
Anyway, they go, “How tall are you?”
“Five nine.”
JESSICA: Right! who gon question it? (laughs)
AMRAN: They went, we gon question it. “Take off your shoes real quick.”
So I get on the ground in front of Kerby, the designer, the casting director, and the stylist. I’m on the ground again taking these f****** shoes off, third time.
I stand up and they go, “You is not five nine.” (laugh) “We'll probably put you in the shorter section.”
That was the first time ever I heard that I was short and I’m like... that’s a threat. (laugh)
A week or something goes by. I get a DM one morning while I go to the bathroom, “Can you come in today at 2 p.m. for a fitting?”
JESSICA: Are you in Maryland at this point?
AMRAN: I am in my bed, in my pajamas, crust all over my eyes... I am done.
I... screamed from the minute I got that DM. Looked through the buses, there’s like one bus leaving Maryland... in thirty minutes. It takes forty-five minutes to get to the bus.
JESSICA: Girl...
ARMANDE: What did you do?
AMRAN: I grabbed everything on my bed and put it in that big ass backpack (laugh). I don't even know what was on my bed, but I just shoved it in there. Brushed my teeth, washed my face, ran. Ran to the car, screaming the entire way, driving eighty-five miles an hour. I remember going, “If I get pulled over, I'm gonna be pissed. God, don't let me get pulled over.” (laugh)
This bus leaves right now, and I'm like thirty minutes away. Really bad.
My mom calls, she's like, “What the f*** was you screaming about? Where did you go?”
I'm like, “Mom, I'll call you back on the bus!”
(laugh) I hang up, and I made it. I made it. I didn't buy the ticket or nothing, I just go, “You know me! I be going to New York all the time, you know me! You know my sister! What's up?! Okay, I gotta go! I'm gon be in New York Fashion Week, n****, let me get on the bus!”
He goes, “Congratulations, sis! Get the f**** on!”
I get on, and I go, “Ma! They told me to come in for a fitting!”
And she goes, “Congratulations! That's amazing!”
The apartment I'm in now is where my friend was living. I was like, “Yo, lemme take a shower real quick. I got a fitting.”
So I get in, I'm like... looking a f****** mess (laugh). Still in my pajamas. I put a hoodie on top… I am looking crazy…
At 2 p.m. the day of the show – mind you, the fitting was the day before – I’m like, “So where’s my outfit? ...What's up? Y’all told me come back, I’m back.”
They went, “Haha… Who told you to come back?”
And I was like, “Y'all told me come back, I'm back... Y'all said 'mañana,' today is 'mañana,' what's up?”
And they're like, “Cool, cool... f***.”
They started putting me in outfits, and they go, “Wait, actually, this looks good. Alright, you're confirmed for the show. Here are your shoes.”
I talked to the casting director later, and she went, “Yeah, you demanded that because we were really like, 'What the f*** we gon do with her? She not leaving.'” And she goes, “Kerby said the outfit looked really good.”
I was like, “Yeah it did! Thank you! … and you're welcome!” (laugh)
JESSICA: Wow!
AMRAN: Yeah it was a lot. And I told my mom, I was like, “Mom... I did it.” And she goes, “That's what I'm talking about, baby!”
I walked it. It was amazing.
JESSICA: So you got signed right after, like from the Pyer Moss show?
AMRAN: Like a month and a half after, yeah.
Slashed by Tia put me in her show a few months later. She was like, “My dad was Muslim and I used to wear a hijab. I know a lot about Islam, and I wanted hijabis that I could style. It means a lot to me that you're doing this.”
And I was like, “Thank you so much for letting me do it.”
She was like… familiar. So it's gonna take a lot of familiarity for people to get hijabis into this industry.
There's also this weird line that some people want to and don't want to cross, of sexualizing the hijab. We don’t have to be included in that. You can exclude yourself from things that aren't for you, and I'm okay with that. I'm good at setting limits for myself and being exclusive. Sometimes, it's okay to step back from it.
I feel that this weird line has to be like... solidified by me as a hijabi model, and I feel like it's gonna have to be solidified as a unit, that we are not going to sexualize the hijab. Because we're just like, “We're not doing this,” people don't know how to work with it. They're like, “Model: automatically sexy,” and “We just want it to be sex appeal, sex sells. We want them to be flying off the shelves.”
It's a weird territory to try to navigate as myself. I know that I'm fire, I know that my personality is great, I know that my look and my everything is great, and if I go to a casting, it’s yes because they had a look for a hijabi, or no, because there was no look for me. Period. It's not even, “No, because we didn't like this and that about you,” no.
You wanted me, and you had an outfit for me; you wanted me, but you didn't have an outfit for me. That's the only way I'm taking it. Negativity, or being said no to isn't really in my brain, because I'm like, “You just didn't have an outfit for me. Let's move on.” And that's it.
Even with that outfit. You know how I was wearing the jacket?
ARMANDE: That was so fly.
AMRAN: He (Jean-Raymond) was like, “Your chest... like...” I was like, “I got a shirt on... we okay!”
“Okay.”
“And, we can put the hijab in it, it's okay.”
“Okay then. If it works like that, it works like that.”
“Yeah.”
“But it also, like, it's cropped.”
“The shirt, remember? The shirt. We're good.”
“Okay. If that's gonna work, then that's gonna work. Alright, love to see it. Go. Checked. Confirmed. We're done.”
JESSICA: Wow.
AMRAN: In his mind, the jacket was cropped, it did have a deep V, and there was going to be chest seen. That's how he envisioned the jacket.
That being said, the jacket can be a deep V, but there will be hijab stuffed in it.
JESSICA: Right.
ARMANDE: And it worked. That was a sexy ass look. I feel like you can be sexy without being sexualized, so when I saw you walk the runway, I was like “Wow, that girl looks good!” (laugh) It doesn't tone down the look at all.
AMRAN: It heightens it.
ARMANDE: You heightened that look, okay! With everything you have and brought to it.
It was a cropped V-neck, meant to show skin, but you still made it a look that someone wanted to buy.
AMRAN: With all the looks that I do, and the random photoshoots that I do, I'm trying to build my book, or my portfolio, or my Instagram, or whatever, for you to see what I can look like.
I'm trying to show you what I can look like in a very feminine outfit and a very masculine outfit. I'm trying to show you how I can be, so that you can come up with something to do around that.
I genuinely love this job and I genuinely love doing it. I like taking pictures, it gives me joy. It's just picking your battles and knowing when to do your thing.
ARMANDE: I feel like you're ready, though. Literally, you're ready. And great things are gonna come, as they are coming... 'cause, look how you just hit the ground running. Like, wow.
JESSICA: You really did.
AMRAN: I love it.
ARMANDE: This extra work is gonna take you... like... when it comes, it's gonna come hard, you know?
We ain't gonna know you girl, you gonna be like, “Oh, yeah, I'm in Hollywood!” (laugh) Is that even a place to be right now, Hollywood?
AMRAN: Everyone hates Hollywood.
JESSICA: New York! (laugh)
AMRAN: New York is definitely it. I'm grateful for it, too, because it helps me see my style and my personal taste.
One of the girls was like, “I'm signed with an agency,” – and this was before I was signed – “and they tell me to take pictures of outfits that I'm about to buy or what I'm about to wear, so they can say ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ and tweak it for me.”
And I was thinking, “I cannot understand that at all. You're telling me you have to let them know what you're gonna wear? And they say ‘yes’ or ‘no’?”
ARMANDE: I don't like that.
AMRAN: She was like, “Yeah, they're gonna elevate my style because I don't really have a sense of personal style.”
That's what I don't want – for somebody else to be facilitating my personal style because I have no idea who I am outside of this industry.
If this industry went up in flames and there was like a revolution or something... I... would be fine. Not like financially fine, like –
ARMANDE: But as a person.
AMRAN: As a person. I wouldn't need to be styled or dressed. I would be okay knowing how I would look. But then again, what apocalypse is there gonna be where we would all be stylists? (laughs) ...The style wars.
JESSICA: But still, I understand what you mean, though. You have a sense of self.
AMRAN: If there was like, a personality shoot, or something, I would know how to put my s*** together.
ARMANDE: That truly matters.
AMRAN: That truly matters. And it's confidence, anyway, because I know myself, but I don't want to be one of those people who have no idea of who they are. For somebody else to be like, “This is what you should do... as yourself,” that is scary.
this interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.